Ah so just to make shit interesting... I'm moving back to Canberra... Well, that's not really the reason, but it has made for a conversational topic the last couple of days.
I've been homesick the whole year I've been in Rockhampton; I miss my friends and (though to a lesser extent) my family back home. I have made only a couple of good friends while here; I thought that when I hit uni things would change, but they haven't. I'm lonely as ever. Unmotivated, now that I had something to be motivated about. I love my boyfriend but I kinda love myself more, and I have to do this because I AM NOT HAPPY HERE.
So, three week's time or thereabouts, I'll be flying back down there. I'm going to see if I can transfer my job to a Rivers down there, so that I won't have to stress about job searching. Even though I hate the shit out of the place, there's nothing like a bit of job security to give you that feeling of... well, security.
I might have a housemate lined up, if all goes as planned; even if that falls through I am doubtless that someone else will be feeling the itch to move outta home and live with me.
Another good thing is that I'm gonna be home in time for my best mate's twenty-first, which I am STOKED about. I hated missing those kinds of things being in Rockhampton.
It feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Yes, I am leaving the man I love but at the same time... I'm actually HAPPY for the first time in a year.
Thanks, Rocky, I know you tried. We just weren't right for one another.
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Thursday, 4 March 2010
No Friends.
Today I am wondering whether my sardonic sense of humour and constant, filthy swearing will impede the friend-making process as I embark on life as a uni student.
Y'know what. I don't really mind. I got dux of my school when I graduated year twelve in 2007, all the bogan mannerisms in the world won't change the fact that I'm going to do fucking well. Those with weak stomachs, beware - don't come too close. Those with a bit of fortuity who can stand my appalling manners and lack of an appropriate skin regime and can see that I'm a damn nice person (who just happens to find elderly people falling down hilarious) may yet become my mates.
Saturday, 13 February 2010
No Pubes.
What is with that Bieber kid? Grow some testes before you even think about singing songs about things like romantic love. Seriously ridiculous.
Friday, 5 February 2010
No Balls.
Just a quick update on dirty old mate Fire-Chaser. He deleted his own account. Thank goodness. I can only hope that I played some part in his decision!
My Chemical Romance has pulled out of the Soundwave Festival, citing that Gerard Way is having throat issues. Poor bugger. Happy me. Jimmy Eat World are replacing them. My Chemical Romance has inadvertently done the Soundwave fans a huge favour! Jimmy kicks arse. Especially My Chem arse.
Went out last night for the first time in so long. Was wonderful to be out of the house for a while (being at work doesn't count!)... The bar was as seedy as ever, had a bit of a larf at a vase of purple flowers that had been newly placed behind the bar, perhaps as an attempt to class-up the place. It'd take a helluva lot more than that to class-ify that place. The men were also just as seedy as usual. Usually as soon as I tell them I have a boyfriend they get the idea and move onto the next female in sight (usually my dear, dear drinking buddy, poor dear!) but there are some who persist... "Dont'cha want a little fun on the side? Quick fuck with me eh?"... the answer, irrevocably, is "No. Way. In. The. World. You. Seedy. Probably. Married. Seedy. Seedy. Cunt." Luckily the bar staff always have our backs and dispose of the heavily undesired. Quite nice to see that they will take threats of getting their legs broken for us. Nice people.
Waiting waiting waiting for the new Pokémon games to come out. HeartGold and SoulSilver! Reach my shores already!
Other than that. Nuttin', yo.
My Chemical Romance has pulled out of the Soundwave Festival, citing that Gerard Way is having throat issues. Poor bugger. Happy me. Jimmy Eat World are replacing them. My Chemical Romance has inadvertently done the Soundwave fans a huge favour! Jimmy kicks arse. Especially My Chem arse.
Went out last night for the first time in so long. Was wonderful to be out of the house for a while (being at work doesn't count!)... The bar was as seedy as ever, had a bit of a larf at a vase of purple flowers that had been newly placed behind the bar, perhaps as an attempt to class-up the place. It'd take a helluva lot more than that to class-ify that place. The men were also just as seedy as usual. Usually as soon as I tell them I have a boyfriend they get the idea and move onto the next female in sight (usually my dear, dear drinking buddy, poor dear!) but there are some who persist... "Dont'cha want a little fun on the side? Quick fuck with me eh?"... the answer, irrevocably, is "No. Way. In. The. World. You. Seedy. Probably. Married. Seedy. Seedy. Cunt." Luckily the bar staff always have our backs and dispose of the heavily undesired. Quite nice to see that they will take threats of getting their legs broken for us. Nice people.
Waiting waiting waiting for the new Pokémon games to come out. HeartGold and SoulSilver! Reach my shores already!
Other than that. Nuttin', yo.
Monday, 1 February 2010
No Dick.
Of course, I knew that wouldn't be the end of it the moment I clicked Send.
Apparently Mr.Hugeshlongonhisforeheadbutnonewhereitcounts didn't like a little taste of his own medicine. He liked to be the smart arse. I got another message after an appropriate period of time, from my darling treasure, of course. This time, an insinuation that I was a chubster because in the few photos and drawings of me on the site I only showed my face and shoulders up. Which I would never deny. I've had a bit of baby fat my whole life. I'm voluptuous. In African culture, I would be the one to shake dat bootay biatch, in da houze. But fuck, fair go. I haven't slept now in 30 hours, eh. Back the fuck up, you little punk. Suck it up and take one for the team, yo mo'fo. With people like this, though, they get off on a little bit of confrontation. Makes them feel damn good. Perhaps Daddy touched him when he was but a boy with a nice lil' tight ass. Maybe Mommy drank a little and popped a few pills and one day Little McWanky found her foaming at the mouth, passed out on the couch. Maybe he was the fat, untalented, unintelligent kid at school and the others teased him. Oooh, but now he has the internet and countless social networking sites where he can pick on others better (not being up myself, thank you!) than he is. He goes around, joining these various sites... He'll pick on what he finds pick-on-able and that's how he gets his sadist little fix for the day. So, what did little Rhi-Rhi do?
Fuck all.
I reported the motherfucker's comments as spam. I kept the messages and then I reported the little cunny-bunt to the DeviantArt staff. I named, quoted and shamed him. There were SO many comments of disheartened, confused and condescended fellow Deviants on there. But apparently not one had said anything about this joker. I mean, fair dinkum, not one prick had stood up to the cunt, apart from feeding him right back with slander, homosexual innuendo and the dirtiest names they could concoct? Dudes. Why waste your time?
It just blows my mind. How bored can you be to set up a profile on a site that is designed specifically for people who love their art, and then abuse the people on there? I mean, he had written a journal entry about torturing ants, pitting black ants against big fire ants. Torturing small animals (...insects?) is never a good sign for the future for these whack-jobs. All I can say is I hope the prick gets deleted and that in the future anyone else like them gets stood up to.
So, despite the unlikelihood that anyone reading is on DeviantArt, I'm gonna post O'Wanky's pseudonym here. Just, y'know, for future reference.
Fire-Chaser
Y'know, like, whatever. At the end of the day...
No Wayaroundit.
Then He is not omnipotent.
If He is able, but not willing
Then He is malevolent.
If He is both able and willing
Then whence cometh evil?
If He is neither able nor willing
Then why call Him God?"
- Epicurus
I haven't slept in, oh, 23 hours. Am reading a bunch of stuff on the Atheist Foundation of Australia website. Very enlightening and very good - albeit being a passionate one myself, I'd always kinda imagined fellow Australians to be rather laid back when it came to the question of atheism/religion. Amusing and interesting that most of the dissenters who had sought out the page to have a whine were American Christians... on an Australian atheist site? They really do rear their heads everywhere. Very interesting articles on the site too, and letters to various government officials/sectors about legal issues that God had no place sticking his big boofhead into: abortion, voluntary euthanasia, gay marriage etc. I could not agree more with their belief that Church and State should be kept separate. These laws should be enacted so that those who aren't held by religious restrictions can participate in them should they see fit. Religiously-minded people do not have to participate if they believe it is wrong. It is not as though, were gay marriage legalised (most likely in the ACT, where just about everything else is fair go - all them foreign diplomat-types must have their fun., of course!), Catholics would be forced to marriage people their sex! What do they think? "Here, see, little Johnny. The gov'men' ha'said that gay marriage es legal, like, so you can't be playin' wit' lil' Polly no mores. You gotsa marreh Billy 'cross da street now. Y'all go along an' have you some anal!" If it doesn't suit them, fine. But it suits others. If a Catholic or a Muslim parent doesn't want their teenage, unmarried daughter to have an abortion when/if she falls pregnant, that is fine. They can do what their tradition says they should do. What was that again? Ohh, that's right. "Lead her to her father's door and there she shall be stoned to death by the village." Or some such. I can't see either how a moral, empathetic person could stand to let terminally ill patients in constant pain without hope of recovery suffer. It should be the person's choice when they want to end their life. Heck, it should be everyone's choice to die when they like, some just aren't that lucky. But in extreme cases like the final stages of a malicious cancer, the patient should be able to direct their carers to just "pull the plug" so they can die with dignity, without having to suffer prolonged and unnecessary agony.
As I was saying, though, before I digressed: I was stoked to find an Aussie atheist organisation online. I was rather proud that as compared to, say, US sites of the same subject matter, there was relatively little hate being espoused by Christians, Muslims, whoever disagreed strongly enough with atheist theories to spew filth where it was not warranted or invited. They don't like it when non-believers go on their sites and say negative shit about what they believe in - as the Light and the Way shouldn't they be setting a bit more of an example to us poor infidels and heretics and blasphemers and spawn of Satan? Show a little respect and get some back, eh. Live as you like but don't push your shit on people who don't want to listen and are happy with their lives as is.
I can hardly believe that this blog has almost exclusively become about atheism vs. Christianity. Not that it's a fair battle. Atheists are so diverse and believe (or, don't believe) in so many things that poor old narrow old-fashioned Christianity surely cannot withstand the barrage for too much longer.
Anyway, this is the link to the Atheist Foundation of Australia website, if anyone is keen for a geeze.
"One can take a nominal figure and say that humans have conceived of at least 10,000 gods. Christians say that 9,999 of these are false -- atheists reject the whole 10,000." (Keith S Cornish, Atheism, the Alternate Viewpoint.)
No Happy.
Fuck, I'm so worked up. In a frenzy mate. I know that I should play nice but I can't get over how angry I feel that people continue to let themselves believe in an invisible creator. The only life is the one you get here. It's inappropriate for me to say it so bluntly but - I can feel justified in that they so openly criticise lack of belief. My turn to be open. Live life to its fullest! Don't place your trust in the idea that you'll be around for an eternity to enjoy existence - you will not! You have eighty years to experience everything that the universe has to offer if you're lucky... Even more if you're very lucky! Get out there and smoke, drink, fuck, swear - as long as these things aren't hurting other people, and they make you feel good, fucking do them! Boink your brains out! Fight with your parents! Quit your job! Write an erotic novel or star in a porno! Try sucking on a bong! Sleep in on Sunday and eat meat on Fridays! Don't let the fucking Bible or some boy-fucking priest tell you what/when/why/not to do! You only get one shot at existence! LIVE THE FUCK OUT OF IT! Would you rather be on your deathbed, remorseful that you didn't do this, you didn't experience that... and unsure that after your bland, obedience-ridden life, you would just be, well, dead? Or would you rather live a complete life, so that laying there with old war wounds and misdeeds running through your skull, you can reminisce about the awesome time you had while you were alive, and know that you didn't miss out on anything? "You" as a conscious being was non-existent before you were conceived and shall become nothing once more after you're gone! Go listen to music, learn to fucking skateboard; ladies, shave your head; boys, wear a dress and heels at least once! Look into yourself and decide what is important and decide how you want to live! Just promise yourself that you will not bow down to a fucking 2000 year-old institution that has more than served its purpose but now needs to lay down and go to sleep, just like the philosophies and belief systems it superseded all those centuries ago. Atheism will win, it has to! Nothing else makes sense! Why believe the Bible when there is so much evidence for scientific theories such as evolution, and such irrefutable arguments, such as those set forth by Richard Dawkins and his peers! It's only a matter of time, Jesus. Get your angels ready; the army's coming to town!
Sunday, 31 January 2010
No God.
I will not find it hard to believe if somehow, a religious person (or persons) discovers this blog and comment negatively on it. No matter where on the web, they always seem to raise their heads wherever there is someone discussing the possibility that their religion is largely pointless and outdated. Fair enough if they feel like they have something to say. But I have something to say; and this is my forum to say it. Hopefully, people can respect that.
I don't need to go on a big spiel about what Christians believe and the arguments for and against these beliefs. I'm working on the presupposition that people have read and seen the many arguments for and against the Bible, Creationism, etc. I'm not saying that all Godlings are Creationists or that they believe literally every passage in the scriptures; I'm generalising because I don't want to spend more time on this irritating subject than I feel I have to. So, here goes.
Christianity pros:
Gives people who have had a hard life hope that they will be rewarded for their troubles in an idyllic afterlife.
Compels people (those who need a bit of a push, for whatever reason) to lead good lives.
Provides an outing for those people who would otherwise find themselves bored on a Sunday.
Christianity cons:
Provides leaders with the greatest form of control imaginable - especially if they are male.
Justifies wars and acts of hate.
Limits people in the ways they can live their lives.
I will now try to explain my feelings on these statements.
Gives people who have had a hard life hope that they will be rewarded for their troubles in an idyllic afterlife. I think that any system of belief which discourages complete fulfilment in this life, the only one we can be sure of, here on Earth, cannot be right. I feel that this belief in Heaven and/or Hell has the potential to create fear in people; the feeling that they are constantly being watched by this ambivalent master of all and judged for every action must be awful. Like kids afraid that if they don't behave, they won't get presents off Santa. They could be missing out on good things in life. A woman stuck in a shitty marriage and afraid that if she breaks what "God has joined", she will go to eternal damnation. Of course in this day and age and in Western countries, she would most likely get the divorce. A great step forward from the 1800s when the woman would be shunned for leaving her husband, no matter how badly he beat her. Well, at least I suppose she'd get to go to a wonderful imaginary playground after he accidentally rams her head into a wall a little too hard. When I think about what could happen to me after I die, I like to think that it will be much like it was before I was born. This thought is comforting for me. I might be guaranteed a nothingness, but no matter what it will be a peaceful nothingness. I can live a good, fulfilling life, riddled with mistakes, and I know in my heart that I will come to peace in the end.
Compels people to lead good lives. Despite my marked lack of religion, I have managed to participate in almost every World Vision 40 Hour Famine since I was thirteen. I give change to homeless when I can spare it. I am polite to everyone I meet whether they are cunts or whether they deserve it. I respect my father. I love my friends and my partner unconditionally. I am thankful for my life and that I am not worse off. I don't lie. I try to be good in everything I do and live by my own set of morals. Should a Christian say to me that the Ten Commandments are the basis of the moral systems and law systems we see today - perhaps they are, but they are also common sense and were all taken from pre-dating belief systems. Being a Christian doesn't guarantee goodness. Good people don't need to be religious to live righteous lives and have morals. It is general knowledge that not all religious people (no matter how high up the ladder they are) lead good lives. People will always live however they want to. People can find reasons to live good lives in many things - their children, their friends, their career, their personal ethos. Christianity too often becomes a buffer behind which evil people hide.
Provides an outing for those people who would otherwise find themselves bored on a Sunday. I will ignore this one. I'm just too farken funny.
Provides leaders with the greatest form of control imaginable - especially if they are male. God is male. His greatest prophet is male. Mary Magdalen, who wrote an undesirable gospel, becomes an evil harlot despite evidence that she could have been, in fact, the wife of Jesus. Until quite recently (and only in Anglicanism), priests could only be men. Women have been subjugated for the last two thousand years whilst, in ancient times, many societies were matriarchal and the primary, life-giving deities had been goddesses. Religious rulers through history have ordered war, ethnic cleansing via genocide, twisted and used holy texts to conform to what they want in order to control the masses. For example, witchcraft for the first 1500 years of Christianity was decreed to not exist and belief in it was a sin. All of a sudden in the sixteenth century or so, witchcraft is a real threat, and to not believe in it is a sin. A complete about-face which gave those in power at the time a reason to continue and justify the Inquisition. Never mind that almost every aspect of the Christian religion was adapted from prior religions over the years in order to convert more people and damn more ancient deities. Judaism was polytheistic before they worshipped one god. Lilith was a fertility goddess before she became yet another incarnation of Lucifer and a child-stealer. Christmas trees are an adapted form of nature worship and kissing under mistletoe was a pagan tradition. There have been millions of deaths over hundreds of years so that a corrupt system ruled by a select few can continue to control the plebs.
Justifies wars and acts of hate. A lot of what I've already said applies here. Also. Different sects of Christianity have been fighting each other since the beginning, but especially since dirty old Henry VIII decided he wanted some Boleyn poon and founded his own Church of England. The protestants versus the Catholics, the protestants versus the slightly different protestants, the Christians versus the Muslims (same God, different name and customs), the Christians versus the Jews (same God again, only he didn't immaculately knock up a virgin in their version). The Crusades. The Templars. The Inquisition. The IRA. The Shiites and the Sunnis. The Srebrenica massacre. 11/09/2001 (I am Australian. Be quiet). Picket signs displaying such unforgiving slogans as "Death for all Gays". Come on, people. As if a loving God would really condone all this. Better to be a Buddhist.
Limits people in the ways they can live their lives. Again, a lot of what I've said can apply. Religion limits the choices and views people can hold and make. Anti abortion, not pro-life. Anti-blood transfusions, not pro-life (pray for your cure, motherfucker). Religion chooses which sexuality you should be, chooses which stance you should take on what issue, suggests which political party you should vote for. WWJD? Sheesh.
All of this is not the reason I don't believe in God, it only strengthens my feelings. And I realise full well that none of it directly disproves of God (apart from the fact that almost everything in Christianity was appropriated from other religions). The main reason I don't believe in God is because my mother, who had been Anglican her whole life and had begun to instil belief of God in me too, died from an incurable form of brain cancer when she was only thirty-four. I had just turned eight and my brother was five. My aunt, also a religious woman, rarely let me spend much time with her during her sickness and was loath to let me know just how ill she was - she led me to believe that what my mother was experiencing was nothing worse than a prolonged bout of the 'flu. I prayed for her each night, the dutiful little innocent that I was. Because I didn't understand the gravity of the situation and because of my aunt's restrictions I would stay out and play rather than spend time with my bedridden mum. To top shit off, she was taken away to the hospital on December 23rd, 1997; shoved down the stairs of our house by two paramedics who had her by the arms to control her in her hysteria. She died the next morning. No goodbyes on either side. Not the best Christmas you can imagine.
I was told by a counsellor later that it sometimes helped to pray and try to speak to those who have passed away through God. So, I did this. I prayed and prayed but I never got anything back, I wanted with all my heart to speak to mum or hear a voice or fucking whatever. Then a friend at school told me her family didn't believe in God - this completely blew my mind, I hadn't realised that was an option. It also strangely seemed to make sense. Dad had moved my brother and I far away from where we had lived with our mum to live with him and his new girlfriend - an abusive slut if ever I have met one. Her constant name calling, beatings, slaps across the back of my head, favouritism with my brother and her own daughter were her way of showing how she felt about me, and her method of choice in getting me to "harden up" and get over my mother's passing. "It's been three months, why doesn't the little bitch get over it?" ...Why indeed.
As I grew older, moved to many different places and experienced and learnt many new things, went through depressions, abandonment, getting fucked over, over and over again... Well, that is my proof in the non-existence of God. I don't buy into the whole "testing you" thing God is believed to do. I believe that shit happens even to good people, and that's just life. The best thing to do is to look into yourself and find what you believe, what makes you happy and what makes you strong. For some people, that thing is religion. For some people, like me, it isn't. And when I look at religion as a whole... I can do nothing but disagree with it. And now, share my views on it.
If anyone thinks that I am wrong, I don't care and I don't want to hear it. There is no chance of me being "reclaimed" and if someone wants to argue anyway, go somewhere else and do it on a public forum where someone will give you the time of day.
I don't need to go on a big spiel about what Christians believe and the arguments for and against these beliefs. I'm working on the presupposition that people have read and seen the many arguments for and against the Bible, Creationism, etc. I'm not saying that all Godlings are Creationists or that they believe literally every passage in the scriptures; I'm generalising because I don't want to spend more time on this irritating subject than I feel I have to. So, here goes.
Christianity pros:
Gives people who have had a hard life hope that they will be rewarded for their troubles in an idyllic afterlife.
Compels people (those who need a bit of a push, for whatever reason) to lead good lives.
Provides an outing for those people who would otherwise find themselves bored on a Sunday.
Christianity cons:
Provides leaders with the greatest form of control imaginable - especially if they are male.
Justifies wars and acts of hate.
Limits people in the ways they can live their lives.
I will now try to explain my feelings on these statements.
Gives people who have had a hard life hope that they will be rewarded for their troubles in an idyllic afterlife. I think that any system of belief which discourages complete fulfilment in this life, the only one we can be sure of, here on Earth, cannot be right. I feel that this belief in Heaven and/or Hell has the potential to create fear in people; the feeling that they are constantly being watched by this ambivalent master of all and judged for every action must be awful. Like kids afraid that if they don't behave, they won't get presents off Santa. They could be missing out on good things in life. A woman stuck in a shitty marriage and afraid that if she breaks what "God has joined", she will go to eternal damnation. Of course in this day and age and in Western countries, she would most likely get the divorce. A great step forward from the 1800s when the woman would be shunned for leaving her husband, no matter how badly he beat her. Well, at least I suppose she'd get to go to a wonderful imaginary playground after he accidentally rams her head into a wall a little too hard. When I think about what could happen to me after I die, I like to think that it will be much like it was before I was born. This thought is comforting for me. I might be guaranteed a nothingness, but no matter what it will be a peaceful nothingness. I can live a good, fulfilling life, riddled with mistakes, and I know in my heart that I will come to peace in the end.
Compels people to lead good lives. Despite my marked lack of religion, I have managed to participate in almost every World Vision 40 Hour Famine since I was thirteen. I give change to homeless when I can spare it. I am polite to everyone I meet whether they are cunts or whether they deserve it. I respect my father. I love my friends and my partner unconditionally. I am thankful for my life and that I am not worse off. I don't lie. I try to be good in everything I do and live by my own set of morals. Should a Christian say to me that the Ten Commandments are the basis of the moral systems and law systems we see today - perhaps they are, but they are also common sense and were all taken from pre-dating belief systems. Being a Christian doesn't guarantee goodness. Good people don't need to be religious to live righteous lives and have morals. It is general knowledge that not all religious people (no matter how high up the ladder they are) lead good lives. People will always live however they want to. People can find reasons to live good lives in many things - their children, their friends, their career, their personal ethos. Christianity too often becomes a buffer behind which evil people hide.
Provides an outing for those people who would otherwise find themselves bored on a Sunday. I will ignore this one. I'm just too farken funny.
Provides leaders with the greatest form of control imaginable - especially if they are male. God is male. His greatest prophet is male. Mary Magdalen, who wrote an undesirable gospel, becomes an evil harlot despite evidence that she could have been, in fact, the wife of Jesus. Until quite recently (and only in Anglicanism), priests could only be men. Women have been subjugated for the last two thousand years whilst, in ancient times, many societies were matriarchal and the primary, life-giving deities had been goddesses. Religious rulers through history have ordered war, ethnic cleansing via genocide, twisted and used holy texts to conform to what they want in order to control the masses. For example, witchcraft for the first 1500 years of Christianity was decreed to not exist and belief in it was a sin. All of a sudden in the sixteenth century or so, witchcraft is a real threat, and to not believe in it is a sin. A complete about-face which gave those in power at the time a reason to continue and justify the Inquisition. Never mind that almost every aspect of the Christian religion was adapted from prior religions over the years in order to convert more people and damn more ancient deities. Judaism was polytheistic before they worshipped one god. Lilith was a fertility goddess before she became yet another incarnation of Lucifer and a child-stealer. Christmas trees are an adapted form of nature worship and kissing under mistletoe was a pagan tradition. There have been millions of deaths over hundreds of years so that a corrupt system ruled by a select few can continue to control the plebs.
Justifies wars and acts of hate. A lot of what I've already said applies here. Also. Different sects of Christianity have been fighting each other since the beginning, but especially since dirty old Henry VIII decided he wanted some Boleyn poon and founded his own Church of England. The protestants versus the Catholics, the protestants versus the slightly different protestants, the Christians versus the Muslims (same God, different name and customs), the Christians versus the Jews (same God again, only he didn't immaculately knock up a virgin in their version). The Crusades. The Templars. The Inquisition. The IRA. The Shiites and the Sunnis. The Srebrenica massacre. 11/09/2001 (I am Australian. Be quiet). Picket signs displaying such unforgiving slogans as "Death for all Gays". Come on, people. As if a loving God would really condone all this. Better to be a Buddhist.
Limits people in the ways they can live their lives. Again, a lot of what I've said can apply. Religion limits the choices and views people can hold and make. Anti abortion, not pro-life. Anti-blood transfusions, not pro-life (pray for your cure, motherfucker). Religion chooses which sexuality you should be, chooses which stance you should take on what issue, suggests which political party you should vote for. WWJD? Sheesh.
All of this is not the reason I don't believe in God, it only strengthens my feelings. And I realise full well that none of it directly disproves of God (apart from the fact that almost everything in Christianity was appropriated from other religions). The main reason I don't believe in God is because my mother, who had been Anglican her whole life and had begun to instil belief of God in me too, died from an incurable form of brain cancer when she was only thirty-four. I had just turned eight and my brother was five. My aunt, also a religious woman, rarely let me spend much time with her during her sickness and was loath to let me know just how ill she was - she led me to believe that what my mother was experiencing was nothing worse than a prolonged bout of the 'flu. I prayed for her each night, the dutiful little innocent that I was. Because I didn't understand the gravity of the situation and because of my aunt's restrictions I would stay out and play rather than spend time with my bedridden mum. To top shit off, she was taken away to the hospital on December 23rd, 1997; shoved down the stairs of our house by two paramedics who had her by the arms to control her in her hysteria. She died the next morning. No goodbyes on either side. Not the best Christmas you can imagine.
I was told by a counsellor later that it sometimes helped to pray and try to speak to those who have passed away through God. So, I did this. I prayed and prayed but I never got anything back, I wanted with all my heart to speak to mum or hear a voice or fucking whatever. Then a friend at school told me her family didn't believe in God - this completely blew my mind, I hadn't realised that was an option. It also strangely seemed to make sense. Dad had moved my brother and I far away from where we had lived with our mum to live with him and his new girlfriend - an abusive slut if ever I have met one. Her constant name calling, beatings, slaps across the back of my head, favouritism with my brother and her own daughter were her way of showing how she felt about me, and her method of choice in getting me to "harden up" and get over my mother's passing. "It's been three months, why doesn't the little bitch get over it?" ...Why indeed.
As I grew older, moved to many different places and experienced and learnt many new things, went through depressions, abandonment, getting fucked over, over and over again... Well, that is my proof in the non-existence of God. I don't buy into the whole "testing you" thing God is believed to do. I believe that shit happens even to good people, and that's just life. The best thing to do is to look into yourself and find what you believe, what makes you happy and what makes you strong. For some people, that thing is religion. For some people, like me, it isn't. And when I look at religion as a whole... I can do nothing but disagree with it. And now, share my views on it.
If anyone thinks that I am wrong, I don't care and I don't want to hear it. There is no chance of me being "reclaimed" and if someone wants to argue anyway, go somewhere else and do it on a public forum where someone will give you the time of day.
Friday, 29 January 2010
No News.
If you're reading, don't prepare yourself for any life-changing literacy here. The whole point of this is that I may vent my less positive feelings, thoughts, emotions. There is not much in my life really that gives me a reason to be sad, depressed, negative or angry... I do have a wonderful lad, I start uni soon, I have a job which pays my half of the rent and I have some good friends. However, a lot of the time I feel empty. I realise that a good number of people probably have the same thing going on, drowning in their lives' adequacy and normalcy. The mundane rut of comfortable domesticity that keeps us safe... and insane.
Most of my spare time is spent sleeping, or reading, or half-finishing crosswords, or eating, when we have enough snacky shit in the cupboard. I go out every now and again, less frequently now that money is tight. But I enjoyed it. Seedy bars and clubs in this bogan paradise. Boganville. Boganston.
Bogansville sounds better.
The smell of bodies and cheap cologne, vodka and beer. LCD screens playing smut off late-night Foxtel. The karaoke machine and the worn pool table. Sleepy drunken ageing spooks whom everyone avoids and end up getting gently ushered out by bouncers at around eleven to wander the streets and chuck empty bottles they find at passer-by skanks.
So, I'm the kind of person who feels at home in places like that. It's nice to sit and have a drink, do some drawings, talk some shit. When you don't have much else to do, it's a very nice fucking break.
I seem to get more angry these days, and at things that hadn't really bothered me before. Something on the news - a teenager raping an octogenarian grandmother, a reporter raping humanitarian crises for their own personal career advancement. Christian fundamentalists with their hate-spewing websites and inane, ignorant YouTube videos. Repetitive nightmares. Customers who come into work and are rude and think that just because myself and the others work in retail, we must be idiots, and that they know our jobs better than we do. Ahck, I'm just having a sook. But all these things bring me down. So they're probably important.
I don't have any kind of plan for what I'll be saying on this blog. I've never believed in planning anything, who knows what could change, or what could happen. Things will come out as they come out.
Most of my spare time is spent sleeping, or reading, or half-finishing crosswords, or eating, when we have enough snacky shit in the cupboard. I go out every now and again, less frequently now that money is tight. But I enjoyed it. Seedy bars and clubs in this bogan paradise. Boganville. Boganston.
Bogansville sounds better.
The smell of bodies and cheap cologne, vodka and beer. LCD screens playing smut off late-night Foxtel. The karaoke machine and the worn pool table. Sleepy drunken ageing spooks whom everyone avoids and end up getting gently ushered out by bouncers at around eleven to wander the streets and chuck empty bottles they find at passer-by skanks.
So, I'm the kind of person who feels at home in places like that. It's nice to sit and have a drink, do some drawings, talk some shit. When you don't have much else to do, it's a very nice fucking break.
I seem to get more angry these days, and at things that hadn't really bothered me before. Something on the news - a teenager raping an octogenarian grandmother, a reporter raping humanitarian crises for their own personal career advancement. Christian fundamentalists with their hate-spewing websites and inane, ignorant YouTube videos. Repetitive nightmares. Customers who come into work and are rude and think that just because myself and the others work in retail, we must be idiots, and that they know our jobs better than we do. Ahck, I'm just having a sook. But all these things bring me down. So they're probably important.
I don't have any kind of plan for what I'll be saying on this blog. I've never believed in planning anything, who knows what could change, or what could happen. Things will come out as they come out.
No Sleep.
It's so early, late? Boyfriend has to get up for work in an hour. I should have been in bed six hours ago but I'm overtired and it's fucked. Not even in the mood to put music on. Have just been getting angry, watching YouTube videos of dickhead fundamentalist Christian cunts. Again. I know it gets me all riled up but I keep on doing it anyway. I don't really have anything intelligent or overly interesting to say. Some vague notion that I may have had something to say is what made me create this blog. Guess that was a bit stupid of me. And, ew, now I'm one of those bored, lonely people who blog at twenty to four in the morning. Ah well. Might try and go to sleep now so I can have another one of my fucked-up dreams. May or may not let you know about one of them some other time. Not that anyone will be reading! Ah, life. You fucker.
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