No God.

I will not find it hard to believe if somehow, a religious person (or persons) discovers this blog and comment negatively on it. No matter where on the web, they always seem to raise their heads wherever there is someone discussing the possibility that their religion is largely pointless and outdated. Fair enough if they feel like they have something to say. But I have something to say; and this is my forum to say it. Hopefully, people can respect that.


I don't need to go on a big spiel about what Christians believe and the arguments for and against these beliefs. I'm working on the presupposition that people have read and seen the many arguments for and against the Bible, Creationism, etc. I'm not saying that all Godlings are Creationists or that they believe literally every passage in the scriptures; I'm generalising because I don't want to spend more time on this irritating subject than I feel I have to. So, here goes.


Christianity pros:
Gives people who have had a hard life hope that they will be rewarded for their troubles in an idyllic afterlife.
Compels people (those who need a bit of a push, for whatever reason) to lead good lives.
Provides an outing for those people who would otherwise find themselves bored on a Sunday.


Christianity cons:
Provides leaders with the greatest form of control imaginable - especially if they are male.
Justifies wars and acts of hate.
Limits people in the ways they can live their lives.


I will now try to explain my feelings on these statements.


Gives people who have had a hard life hope that they will be rewarded for their troubles in an idyllic afterlife. I think that any system of belief which discourages complete fulfilment in this life, the only one we can be sure of, here on Earth, cannot be right. I feel that this belief in Heaven and/or Hell has the potential to create fear in people; the feeling that they are constantly being watched by this ambivalent master of all and judged for every action must be awful. Like kids afraid that if they don't behave, they won't get presents off Santa. They could be missing out on good things in life. A woman stuck in a shitty marriage and afraid that if she breaks what "God has joined", she will go to eternal damnation. Of course in this day and age and in Western countries, she would most likely get the divorce. A great step forward from the 1800s when the woman would be shunned for leaving her husband, no matter how badly he beat her. Well, at least I suppose she'd get to go to a wonderful imaginary playground after he accidentally rams her head into a wall a little too hard. When I think about what could happen to me after I die, I like to think that it will be much like it was before I was born. This thought is comforting for me. I might be guaranteed a nothingness, but no matter what it will be a peaceful nothingness. I can live a good, fulfilling life, riddled with mistakes, and I know in my heart that I will come to peace in the end.


Compels people to lead good lives. Despite my marked lack of religion, I have managed to participate in almost every World Vision 40 Hour Famine since I was thirteen. I give change to homeless when I can spare it. I am polite to everyone I meet whether they are cunts or whether they deserve it. I respect my father. I love my friends and my partner unconditionally. I am thankful for my life and that I am not worse off. I don't lie. I try to be good in everything I do and live by my own set of morals. Should a Christian say to me that the Ten Commandments are the basis of the moral systems and law systems we see today - perhaps they are, but they are also common sense and were all taken from pre-dating belief systems. Being a Christian doesn't guarantee goodness. Good people don't need to be religious to live righteous lives and have morals. It is general knowledge that not all religious people (no matter how high up the ladder they are) lead good lives. People will always live however they want to. People can find reasons to live good lives in many things - their children, their friends, their career, their personal ethos. Christianity too often becomes a buffer behind which evil people hide.


Provides an outing for those people who would otherwise find themselves bored on a Sunday. I will ignore this one. I'm just too farken funny.


Provides leaders with the greatest form of control imaginable - especially if they are male. God is male. His greatest prophet is male. Mary Magdalen, who wrote an undesirable gospel, becomes an evil harlot despite evidence that she could have been, in fact, the wife of Jesus. Until quite recently (and only in Anglicanism), priests could only be men. Women have been subjugated for the last two thousand years whilst, in ancient times, many societies were matriarchal and the primary, life-giving deities had been goddesses. Religious rulers through history have ordered war, ethnic cleansing via genocide, twisted and used holy texts to conform to what they want in order to control the masses. For example, witchcraft for the first 1500 years of Christianity was decreed to not exist and belief in it was a sin. All of a sudden in the sixteenth century or so, witchcraft is a real threat, and to not believe in it is a sin. A complete about-face which gave those in power at the time a reason to continue and justify the Inquisition. Never mind that almost every aspect of the Christian religion was adapted from prior religions over the years in order to convert more people and damn more ancient deities. Judaism was polytheistic before they worshipped one god. Lilith was a fertility goddess before she became yet another incarnation of Lucifer and a child-stealer. Christmas trees are an adapted form of nature worship and kissing under mistletoe was a pagan tradition. There have been millions of deaths over hundreds of years so that a corrupt system ruled by a select few can continue to control the plebs.


Justifies wars and acts of hate. A lot of what I've already said applies here. Also. Different sects of Christianity have been fighting each other since the beginning, but especially since dirty old Henry VIII decided he wanted some Boleyn poon and founded his own Church of England. The protestants versus the Catholics, the protestants versus the slightly different protestants, the Christians versus the Muslims (same God, different name and customs), the Christians versus the Jews (same God again, only he didn't immaculately knock up a virgin in their version). The Crusades. The Templars. The Inquisition. The IRA. The Shiites and the Sunnis. The Srebrenica massacre. 11/09/2001 (I am Australian. Be quiet). Picket signs displaying such unforgiving slogans as "Death for all Gays". Come on, people. As if a loving God would really condone all this. Better to be a Buddhist.


Limits people in the ways they can live their lives. Again, a lot of what I've said can apply. Religion limits the choices and views people can hold and make. Anti abortion, not pro-life. Anti-blood transfusions, not pro-life (pray for your cure, motherfucker). Religion chooses which sexuality you should be, chooses which stance you should take on what issue, suggests which political party you should vote for. WWJD? Sheesh.


All of this is not the reason I don't believe in God, it only strengthens my feelings. And I realise full well that none of it directly disproves of God (apart from the fact that almost everything in Christianity was appropriated from other religions). The main reason I don't believe in God is because my mother, who had been Anglican her whole life and had begun to instil belief of God in me too, died from an incurable form of brain cancer when she was only thirty-four. I had just turned eight and my brother was five. My aunt, also a religious woman, rarely let me spend much time with her during her sickness and was loath to let me know just how ill she was - she led me to believe that what my mother was experiencing was nothing worse than a prolonged bout of the 'flu. I prayed for her each night, the dutiful little innocent that I was. Because I didn't understand the gravity of the situation and because of my aunt's restrictions I would stay out and play rather than spend time with my bedridden mum. To top shit off, she was taken away to the hospital on December 23rd, 1997; shoved down the stairs of our house by two paramedics who had her by the arms to control her in her hysteria. She died the next morning. No goodbyes on either side. Not the best Christmas you can imagine.


I was told by a counsellor later that it sometimes helped to pray and try to speak to those who have passed away through God. So, I did this. I prayed and prayed but I never got anything back, I wanted with all my heart to speak to mum or hear a voice or fucking whatever. Then a friend at school told me her family didn't believe in God - this completely blew my mind, I hadn't realised that was an option. It also strangely seemed to make sense. Dad had moved my brother and I far away from where we had lived with our mum to live with him and his new girlfriend - an abusive slut if ever I have met one. Her constant name calling, beatings, slaps across the back of my head, favouritism with my brother and her own daughter were her way of showing how she felt about me, and her method of choice in getting me to "harden up" and get over my mother's passing. "It's been three months, why doesn't the little bitch get over it?" ...Why indeed.


As I grew older, moved to many different places and experienced and learnt many new things, went through depressions, abandonment, getting fucked over, over and over again... Well, that is my proof in the non-existence of God. I don't buy into the whole "testing you" thing God is believed to do. I believe that shit happens even to good people, and that's just life. The best thing to do is to look into yourself and find what you believe, what makes you happy and what makes you strong. For some people, that thing is religion. For some people, like me, it isn't. And when I look at religion as a whole... I can do nothing but disagree with it. And now, share my views on it.


If anyone thinks that I am wrong, I don't care and I don't want to hear it. There is no chance of me being "reclaimed" and if someone wants to argue anyway, go somewhere else and do it on a public forum where someone will give you the time of day.

No News.

If you're reading, don't prepare yourself for any life-changing literacy here. The whole point of this is that I may vent my less positive feelings, thoughts, emotions. There is not much in my life really that gives me a reason to be sad, depressed, negative or angry... I do have a wonderful lad, I start uni soon, I have a job which pays my half of the rent and I have some good friends. However, a lot of the time I feel empty. I realise that a good number of people probably have the same thing going on, drowning in their lives' adequacy and normalcy. The mundane rut of comfortable domesticity that keeps us safe... and insane.


Most of my spare time is spent sleeping, or reading, or half-finishing crosswords, or eating, when we have enough snacky shit in the cupboard. I go out every now and again, less frequently now that money is tight. But I enjoyed it. Seedy bars and clubs in this bogan paradise. Boganville. Boganston.


Bogansville sounds better.


The smell of bodies and cheap cologne, vodka and beer. LCD screens playing smut off late-night Foxtel. The karaoke machine and the worn pool table. Sleepy drunken ageing spooks whom everyone avoids and end up getting gently ushered out by bouncers at around eleven to wander the streets and chuck empty bottles they find at passer-by skanks.


So, I'm the kind of person who feels at home in places like that. It's nice to sit and have a drink, do some drawings, talk some shit. When you don't have much else to do, it's a very nice fucking break.


I seem to get more angry these days, and at things that hadn't really bothered me before. Something on the news - a teenager raping an octogenarian grandmother, a reporter raping humanitarian crises for their own personal career advancement. Christian fundamentalists with their hate-spewing websites and inane, ignorant YouTube videos. Repetitive nightmares. Customers who come into work and are rude and think that just because myself and the others work in retail, we must be idiots, and that they know our jobs better than we do. Ahck, I'm just having a sook. But all these things bring me down. So they're probably important.


I don't have any kind of plan for what I'll be saying on this blog. I've never believed in planning anything, who knows what could change, or what could happen. Things will come out as they come out.

No Sleep.

It's so early, late? Boyfriend has to get up for work in an hour. I should have been in bed six hours ago but I'm overtired and it's fucked. Not even in the mood to put music on. Have just been getting angry, watching YouTube videos of dickhead fundamentalist Christian cunts. Again. I know it gets me all riled up but I keep on doing it anyway. I don't really have anything intelligent or overly interesting to say. Some vague notion that I may have had something to say is what made me create this blog. Guess that was a bit stupid of me. And, ew, now I'm one of those bored, lonely people who blog at twenty to four in the morning. Ah well. Might try and go to sleep now so I can have another one of my fucked-up dreams. May or may not let you know about one of them some other time. Not that anyone will be reading! Ah, life. You fucker.